I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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