I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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