Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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