i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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