Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
