where does the pee come out of this thing
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
