My Higher Power is John Stamos
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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