Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
