Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
