I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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