Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
