Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
