I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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