I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
