if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
