If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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