we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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