I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
