So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
