He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
