I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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