I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
