I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I party with great urgency now.
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