We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
