hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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