So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
