Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
