The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
