i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i now understand why vodka
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
