i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
