I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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