that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
