What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
