Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
