There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
