my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
