Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
