I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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