Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
