My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
