My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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