who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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