I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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