the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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