I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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