We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
