just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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