He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
