Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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