no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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