True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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